On The Kowch looks at Bad Radio

You know you're listening to bad radio when ....

From where I sit On The Kowch, you're listening to bad radio when ...

• announcer talks about technical problems in the studio all the time
• a co-host has to explain to someone sitting in for a regular announcer how to turn on their microphone
• host says to the sportscaster: "did you watch the game last night?" and the sports guy says no
• host discusses a show and admits he never watched the show under discussion
• reporter misuses the word finally saying "finally it's going to be really cold tomorrow going down to -19"
• hosts complain about their life, their job, they're having a bad day or they have a cold
• hosts ramble between songs or co-hosts talk about things no one cares about

These are just some examples I heard on Toronto radio in the past week.

Why should I care as a listener if the announcer's chair is too high or too low. Or if the announcer's head phones aren't working - especially when he isn't taking calls and talking to someone six inches from where he's sitting. I've heard announcers go nuts on air for these minor problems. Really?

We're talking about announcers in Canada's largest radio market who should know better.

CJSR is an Edmonton campus community radio station. Unlike the big guys in Toronto, they don't tolerate this kind of bitching on the air. In their operations manual they have a section aptly titled Shit Happens

"Never talk on-air about the technical aspects of radio, technical problems or mistakes. Listeners aren't usually interested about the problems we face with bad headphones or uncooperative turntables so we avoid talking about technical problems.  Unless it was something major, the problem is over and forgotten, unless you remind everyone about it."

The CJSR manual also suggests not to enter the studio with a chip on your shoulder.

"People listen to CJSR to hear good music, inspired programming and well produced news programs. Listeners don't listen to the station to find out what kind of day you're having. So please don't tell us how tired, sick or hung over you are. Listeners want to hear a good program and if you tell them you're not in a position to provide a good program why should they continue listening. If you are tired, sick or hung over keep the talking to a bare minimum and play more music."

The manual tells its announcers to plan ahead of time what they're going to talk about:

"What can happen with an unformatted, unscripted and unplanned co-hosted program is the conversation can easily turn into a discussion between two people who forget that others are listening. The talk goes off in awkward tangents and makes for bad radio."

My rule about asking someone a question on air is make sure you know the answer beforehand. Ask the sports guy off air if he watched the game the night before. If he didn't, don't put him in the position to say no. That impacts on the guy's credibility when he's taking shots at the players or the team. Better to not ask the question and let listeners assume the sports guy saw the game. Just talk about the game.

It is even worse for a host to comment on a show and then say he didn't watch it. If the Golden Globes are on the night before than the host needs to watch the highlights on YouTube in order to discuss what everyone is talking about. Radio is smoke and mirrors. It's theatre of the mind. Host should not pull back the curtains to unveil what is happening behind the scenes like admitting having not seen what the audience made a point of watching. You come across as out of touch and won't relate to your listener.

Watching the highlights on YouTube and playing some of the clips creates the impression you watched the show. Are you lying? Are you misleading the audience? No. Just don't say you watched the show. Just talk about it based on what you saw in the highlights.

My favourite is the misuse of the word finally.

Last week in Toronto it was a mild week with temperatures above freezing. So what does a host say on a major Toronto radio station during the weather forecast for the weekend?

"Finally we're going into the deep freeze and temperatures are going to dip to -19 degrees."

Really ... finally we're going to freeze our asses off on the weekend.

The word finally should only be used for the reverse ... Finally we're getting out of the deep freeze with temperatures rising to plus three or four tomorrow. The word finally should only be used to point out something bad is finally over. I've also heard announcers say in the summer "the great weather is finally coming to an end with thundershowers in the forecast tomorrow."

From where I sit On The Kowch, the only way to stop bad radio is for programmers and general managers to spend more time listening to their radio station and going over shows with the on air talent. Or go to http://kowchmedia.com/services/station-monitors to let us monitor your radio station to hear what you don't hear.

Steve was in charge of programming Canada's two largest newstalk radio stations for 14 years

You can email Steve at steve@kowchmedia.com

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